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Dedication:- Angel

“Wordless” took one week to start and another nine to finish. It is a product of a painful coincidence that actually lasted less than 4 hours. I am trying here to convey real affection and admiration, together with confusion, sadness, may be even fear from loving someone too much.

It took this long so my confidence on what I felt could be checked, and the credibility of this experience tested. Living here taught me to be the enemy of my own emotions, this incredible feeling was challenged every time she smiled, and each time I failed.
It had never crossed my mind that a man could be so weak and motionless, like a frozen insect or a rabbit caught in your headlights. I hope you believe this: I have never, ever, in my whole life, felt or experienced something that means so much to me.

Wordless

Where do you start when you want to express a special feeling?
I am having difficulty, can you help?
Where do you begin to put into words your happiness and regrets?

If I knew from where to start, will you show me how, will you guide me, can you help?
Or maybe you know someone who can.

Do you use a language you borrowed yesterday, a language she doesn’t know, or do you use your own, a language out of date?
If you chose a language and a starting point, what words would you use to describe your feeling when you meet a Libyan that, within minutes, you discover this Libyan is no human being, what do you say, where do you start, and how?

I have been trying to find the words and I am now less certain if I’ll ever find them in any language.
But I know the feeling, and I think I know myself, this feeling will stay with me until my last living day.

Let me describe what happened.
This person comes from Libya, and walks with dignity and complete silence. She was modest but not weak. She walked and walked until she reached me when I was totally lost and beyond reach.
Do angels know when you need them before you know it?
They must do, or why did she come now?

Her movements, the way she walks, you really need to see it. Movements with pure humility and well founded pride. With strength that is almost unreal, maturity beyond belief, and a natural smile.
A smile she meant it to be comforting and reassuring, but inside me it triggered the most hurtful memory of my life: the last time I said Goodbye to my sweet Libya.

I am not exaggerating this angel has a beauty that is definitely rare. You need to look until you find it. But believe me, her beauty is neither cheap nor every where, her beauty was not for fun. I actually worshiped it, and still do.
Just like its owner, a hidden beauty, a silent beauty, a forbidden beauty, a confident beauty, a rare beauty. A beauty sweeter than sugar.
A beauty that is so explosive it can bring our world to its knees with a single wink.

Tell me: who am I to say anything?
That is exactly why she heard nothing from me, absolutely nothing.

Was she waiting for my words? was she searching for someone? was she trying to tell me something? was she looking for comfort from a man with a bleeding heart?
I doubt it, but tears she never saw.

Towards the end and seconds before we parted she said Good bye, she wanted to shake hands, I nearly declined, she was too clean.
We shook hands, then I turned around, walked away, crossed the street and never looked back.

A proud and lucky man.

Adel Ahmed


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